the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
