on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
