I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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