hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
