Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
