Barsexuality is the new black.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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