i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Define "chronic" masturbator.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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