Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
