I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
