don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
