I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
