New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
