What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
