i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
