I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
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I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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