He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
