Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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