In the future we'll all be gay
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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