I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
