before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
