yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
