So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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