HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
