so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
