She is in my trunk
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
they're like a gay fantastic four
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
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