Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
