Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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