She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm at about main and main street
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My life is pants optional.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
