dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
