he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
