matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
