You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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