HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
