you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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