Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Mom said you looked used
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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