Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
