Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
