3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
