It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
