we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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