I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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