So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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