Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
