I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
