I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
