Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
