Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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