I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
