Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
