Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
