I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize