Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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