Soap is not a condiment
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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