I think i peed on brittanys purse
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
