Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
