Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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