I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize