...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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