saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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