Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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