At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
