do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Let's paint friendship bongs
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
