At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
