somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize