What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
