i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
