Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
