You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
